I was listening to the Howie Carr Show yesterday, and his assistant, “V.B.” a.k.a. “Virgin Boy” was filling in. Apparently the 63-year-old Carr, Boston Herald columnist and author of books on gangsters, has just had either a gastrectomy surgery or a gastric sleeve surgical procedure. V.B. had used both terms, even though they supposedly are different.
The gastrectomy is a “partial or full surgical removal of the stomach,” according to Wikipedia, and whose purpose is to treat cancer or severe stomach ulcer. And a gastric sleeve surgical procedure is the surgical removal of more than half the stomach, and, according to WebMD, “leaving a thin vertical sleeve, or tube, that is about the size of a banana. Surgical staples keep (the) new stomach closed.” And the purpose of gastric sleeve surgery is to help people to lose weight. What a coincidence, given that I had just recently referred to New Joisey Gov. Chris Christie’s “lap band surgery” of two years ago to help him lose weight, which is a different procedure altogether.
So either Howie Carr was diagnosed with stomach cancer or has a severe stomach ulcer and he has had a gastrectomy, or, like Chris Christie he has a lack of self-control and can’t control his eating habits, in which case he has had a gastric sleeve surgical procedure. In any case, we can add this new medical ordeal to Carr’s melanoma issues in 2007, his osteoporosis that has since gone away (as well as the melanoma), his hip replacement surgery of 2009, his Lasik eye surgery of 2008, his hair transplant of 2011, his car crash of 2009 and his car crash of 2014 — honestly, the guy is a walking cash register for the doctors and hospitals these days.
I’m glad that “reformed” gangster Kevin Weeks decided against assassinating Howie Carr. Otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten a chance to see the new eyes, new hips, new hair, and so on. But, while I don’t want to sound pessimistic or ghoulish, if Howie Carr dies perhaps V.B. can do a “Howie Carr Death Pool” in his honor.
File under: “Takes a lickin’ but keeps on tickin’.”